Perspective

Right now I'm angry. I'm so tired of ridiculous discussions where no one listens to another perspective. I'm tired of being told: "Be careful what you read because people just want to paint this person in a bad light". I think we have some really skewed perspectives that need changing!

I admit it, I've never watched the show, we don't have cable. Frankly I don't really care what Phil Robertson has to say. Here's what blows me away... So many "Christians" are sticking up for a man saying he is being "persecuted for his religious beliefs" when that is not the case. His comments at best were incredibly rude and crass (NO it wasn't just quoting Bible). If A&E wanted to fire him, then so be it! That doesn't mean he is being persecuted.

Here is what is REALLY bothering me about this whole situation. "Christians" are outraged by him getting fired for what he said, and over 50,000 people have signed a petition in 24 hours. BUT these same people are NOT seemingly as bothered by the child abuse that goes on WITHIN the church (GRACE put together a petition for the church at large to address the issue of child sexual abuse going on within the church and in 4 months has only gotten 1,600 signatures). (Find it here) Someone please tell me why we care more about the argument between Phil Robertson and A&E than when an adult permanently scars a child by sexually abusing them!!!!!

I understand that he is entitled to his beliefs, everyone is. If he really wants to represent the God that I love and serve in a way that will cause others to want to know God, then he should be loving, not rude and crass. The Bible says that without love we are nothing, and I saw no love from him, and frankly see very little of it in all of the discussions going on in various places online.

I guess my challenge is to think about your perspective. We are so quick to jump on a bandwagon of a celebrity, but so painfully slow in speaking up about those who would hurt a child.

Thankful

I have lots of friends who are doing 30 days of thankfulness and saying something each day this month that they are thankful for. I love the idea, and I contemplated doing it myself, but I know we are in for a crazy month because our youngest daughter is having yet another major surgery later this month. So, I decided that instead of doing one every day I would just make a list of some of the things that I'm thankful for and post them all at once!

1. I'm thankful for my wonderful husband who has stood by me and supported me in amazing ways!
2. I'm thankful for my children and the joy they bring to my life!
3. I'm thankful that over the last few years I have come to know who God really is!
4. I'm thankful for hope and that there is always hope!
5. I'm thankful for the amazing friends that have loved me unconditionally.
6. I'm thankful for some of the amazing doctors that have been able to help our sweet baby girl!
7. I'm thankful for the beautiful home that we are privileged to live in.
8. I'm thankful that God is always faithful!
9. I'm thankful that even though things are tight we always have enough.
10. I'm thankful for great music and how it does so much to brighten my days!
11. I'm thankful that a simple inexpensive coat of paint can change the whole feel of a room!
12. I'm thankful for clean, warm water, and that we don't have to worry about that.
13. I'm thankful that our son keeps us laughing and is often a bright spot in tough days.
14. I'm thankful that our oldest daughter is loving her new school and is thriving there!
15. I'm thankful that our sweet baby girl is tough because that has helped her walk this icky road.
16. I'm thankful that we have insurance.
17. I'm thankful for the crap that I have gone through in life because that has made me who I am today.
18. I'm thankful for the school my kids go to and that we are able to choose the school that best fits them!
19. I'm thankful for coffee! It helps me get going every morning!
20. I'm thankful for the amazing grandparents my kids have!
21. I'm thankful for a Grandma that prayed for me every day and loved me unconditionally.
22. I'm thankful that it is so easy to keep in contact with people far away that I love!
23. I'm thankful for a smartphone that I can download games on to keep little ones occupied easily!
24. I'm thankful that I'm able to work on line from home!
25. I'm thankful that I live in Arizona where I don't have to freeze, but where we can easily "visit" the snow.
26. I'm thankful for freedom!
27. I'm thankful for how easy it is to find new, yummy recipes online!
28. I'm thankful for my oldest daughter's adoptive parents and how they love her!
29. I'm thankful for churches that not only teach the truth of the Bible, but LIVE it out!
30. I'm thankful that we can break the cycle of abuse within our family, and instead build wonderful memories of real love with our children!

Bitterness

Bitterness ~ An accusation that is often used to silence a victim, or to discredit what they have to say so that no one else will pay attention.

I believe that this accusation is thrown around so frequently that we have lost sight of what bitterness really is. Webster defines bitterness as a deep seated ill will. Some synonyms given are animosity and antagonism. Please take notice that the synonyms are NOT anger, justice seeking, frustration, hurt, or removing oneself from a potentially dangerous situation!!

Can bitterness come from deep pain and how you choose to deal with deep pain, yes. BUT, hurt, anger, grief, tears, frustration, etc are all a part of the healing process. It is very normal and natural to have a myriad of emotions when you are deeply hurt. Working through these emotions is part of how most people heal over time. Bitterness comes when you choose to hold on to these emotions and let them consume your entire being.

If you are a victim please don't let people discourage you from working through the emotions and pain that you have gone through by throwing out this accusation! Working through the pain is how you keep from holding it all in and becoming bitter. Choosing to distance yourself from your abuser and cut off contact with them is WISE it does not indicate wrong doing on your part.

To those who throw out this accusation to silence victims: SHAME ON YOU! Instead of taking the easy way out, why don't you choose to love as Jesus did!

Wake up!

I know that the tone of the last few posts has been pretty harsh. There is a reason I'm as passionate as I am about abuse and how it is handled. I love Jesus and am really tired of seeing people misuse His name and misrepresent who He is!! When we do this it makes people run from church and God altogether! It truly is heartbreaking! When we use Jesus to manipulate people and excuse crimes while telling victims to forgive I believe it grieves the heart of God. THIS is why so many people want nothing to do with God or with the church.

My dear friend Jen recently had the courage to speak up about her abuse and prosecute her abuser. This article gives some of the really good reasons why I'm as passionate as I am. Wake up Church! Wake up Christians! Get your head out of the sand and realize that this is FAR more prevalent that any of us would like to admit. This issue MUST be dealt with!

Forgiveness does NOT equal reconciliation!

I know I posted about forgiveness last week, but there is one aspect that I believe needs to be understood better. There are many people who for one reason or another believe and try to force the belief on others that forgiveness = trust and reconciliation.

Here's how it often goes. Typically a victim will come forward about abuse and will even cut off contact with their abuser for a while. Then the victim is told If you have truly forgiven you would forget what happened and put it behind you and allow the relationship to start over again. Often verses from the Bible are used to aid in the manipulation. Whether that is "Judge not that ye be not judged" found in Matthew (you can't judge whether or not they have changed), or even "God has not given us a spirit of fear" II Timothy 1:7. (you need to trust God to protect you and your family and stop worrying that this person will hurt you again). These are just 2 of the many passages that I have seen used to justify allowing an abuser back into your life.

Listen, we are called to be wise! Would you take someone who is a recovering alcoholic and ask them to go to a bar (for any reason)? If you wouldn't do that why on earth you would you allow a child abuser (or sex offender) or ANY abuser for that matter around you or your children? This has nothing do do with fear (although a good healthy fear isn't necessarily a bad thing), but everything to do with wisdom and protection.

FORGIVENESS DOES NOT EQUAL TRUST!!! When trust is broken is has to be a long, slow process to earn it back. A sign of true repentance is when an abuser not only seeks forgiveness and admits their wrong doing, but makes NO excuses and is willing to face the consequences of their actions. This includes understanding that their victims (even if they are family members) may NEED to distance themselves because as an abuser they can't be trusted. (see this page for stats).

If you are a victim please don't allow yourself to be manipulated into believing that the only way you are doing what is right is if you allow your abuser back into your life. Sometimes the wisest choice you can make is to protect yourself and your family by separating yourself and your family from an abuser.

Post Surgery Update on our Sweet Girl

Last Tuesday our precious girl underwent yet another surgery. She had to have a Nissen Fundoplication. Thankfully, she was able to have it via laproscopic surgery, so there are 4 small incisions instead of a very large one. She however will still have a long recovery process.

After surgery she proved once again how incredibly tough she really is. Her heart rate started to go out of control and we couldn't figure out why. She kept telling us that she wasn't in pain, but we decided to give her pain meds anyway so that we can stay on top of the pain. As soon as the pain meds kicked in her heart rate stabilized! Poor girl didn't even realize how much pain she was really in!

We are now home, and overall she is doing amazingly well! She tends to think she in invincible and so she will get too active, and then start hurting, but other than that she is doing well. She is really only allowed to eat a liquid diet for 6 weeks, so that will be tough. Her diet will consist of things like yogurt, pudding, jello, simple soups (chicken noodle, tomato), and lots of home made applesauce and pear sauce.

Unfortunately, she will be having to have another major surgery before the end of the year. We appreciate all of your thoughts and prayers for our precious girl! She still has a long road ahead of her!

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of those things that is often very misunderstood. Quite often people try to use it to tell a victim that they shouldn't prosecute their abuser, or to tell them that they need to allow their abuser to have the same place in their life that they once did. Forgiveness can be a beautiful thing, but it has unfortunately been used as a tool to manipulate far too many victims. There is one very important fact to remember: FORGIVENESS DOES NOT EQUAL TRUST!!!!  

This website gives a really good definition of forgiveness. It defines forgiveness as: a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.

There are a lot of things that forgiveness is, and things that forgiveness is not. The list below is in no way an exhaustive list, but it is a good start.

                                              i.      Forgiveness is:

1.       Choosing to forgive is tough and not a one time decision, but it is the best thing that can be done.

2.       Forgiveness benefits the victim not necessarily the abuser, while un-forgiveness hurts the victim, not the abuser.

3.       Forgiveness is a mental decision. We choose to forgive and then eventually our emotions will follow. We decide in our mind not to hold on the resentment and healing will follow.

4.       Forgiveness is a process, not a one time event. We have to choose to forgive again and again when the offense comes back into our minds and the fear, guilt, shame, etc. threaten to overwhelm us.

5.       Forgiveness is based on our attitude, not on other’s actions. We choose to either stay stuck and angry, or focus on God’s goodness to us and forgive. We can choose to forgive even if they never ask for forgiveness.

6.    Forgiveness helps to bring peace of mind and release anger. 

                                            ii.      Forgiveness is NOT:

1.       Forgiveness is NOT letting the offender of the hook! They are still accountable for their actions!

2.       Forgiveness is NOT letting the offense occur again. We do NOT have to tolerate abuse and continue to expose ourselves or our families to it!

3.       Forgiveness is NOT to be equated with reconciliation. We can forgive while still cutting ourselves off from an abusive relationship.

4.       Forgiveness is NOT forgetting! We can choose not to think or dwell on the bad things, but the memories will always be there even if they are tucked into a “back corner” in your mind. We should choose to focus on God’s goodness to us through our trials, and not on the pain we experienced.

Matthew 18? Really?????

I have been both saddened and angered lately by the number of people I see misusing Scripture to attempt to manipulate others. I'm going to touch on one passage that I have repeatedly seen completely misused lately.

There are many people who respond to abuse victims who cooperate with law enforcement to prosecute their abusers by telling them that according to Matthew 18:15-17 they are doing wrong. This is the passage that talks about if you have a problem with a brother you go to them, if they don't listen then you bring someone with you, then if they still don't listen you bring it to the church. Let me emphatically say this does NOT apply to crimes! I have never heard this used with someone who commits a murder, so why on earth should it apply to any other crime????? When a crime is committed the authorities MUST be contacted, that is the law! 

Physical abuse, rape, incest, sexual abuse of any kind, and frankly ANY kind of abuse is a CRIME and should be dealt with as such. If you want a passage that applies to how to deal with crimes Romans 13:1-7 would be much more applicable. God has ordained our governmental authorities, and if you do no wrong you don't have to fear, but if you break the law you do. Prosecuting a crime is completely Biblical! There are consequences (both good and bad) for the actions that we choose. When a crime is committed we should allow the authorities that God has ordained to deal with the investigation and allow the perpetrator to pay the price for their actions. 

What message are you sending?

I have a very dear friend who is going through so much right now because she has made the courageous and tough choice to prosecute her rapist. This process has been made so much harder by the fact that most of her family (including her own mother) is supporting her rapist. This has really gotten me thinking. I wonder if the people who stand behind rapists (and other abusers) really know what they are saying when they decide to support the perpetrator instead of the victim. Having been in a very similar situation I can speak in a very educated way about this. So, without further adieu here is what they say...

When you choose to support an abuser rather than the abused you are saying...
   ~ I don't believe the abuse really happened, or it wasn't as bad as you say.
   ~ Your abuser means far more to me than you do.
   ~ I never really loved you, and you are not worthy of true love.
   ~ You are not good enough to stand up for.
   ~ Who cares how much this hurt you, grow up and move on!
   ~ I don't believe this crime should be punished.
   ~ The crime that happened was really not a crime at all.
   ~ Abuse is ok.
   ~ Your pain is nothing in comparison to the inconvenience you have caused me.
   ~ Your abuser deserves sympathy and compassion, but you don't.
   ~ The abuser's loss of freedom concerns me more than your emotional scars.
   ~ Even though your abuser has confessed (and is therefore guilty) I don't care about protecting other potential victims they might come into contact with (potentially their own children).
   ~ God's view on justice doesn't matter. (Micah 6:8)
   ~ What God has to say about those who hurt a child doesn't matter. (Matthew 18:6)
   ~ What God has to say about the governing authorities executing justice doesn't matter. (Romans 13:1-7)

This list could go on, but I think the point is made. I would encourage you to think about how the choices you make truly do impact others.

Speak Life!

I spent a lot of time this last weekend with survivors of many different kinds of abuse. There was one common factor that I kept hearing that stuck out to me. So many people asked me "How do you stop the voices in your head that tell you that you are damaged, guilty, etc... and the shame that seems to plague our minds?".

I am not a professional, but I can tell you what has helped make a huge difference in my life. In my experience the "tapes" that play in our mind are the things that we heard over and over. If we want to not hear the negative all the time we need to fill our minds with truth. So what I have done is when the voices started to tell me that I was not worthy, or damaged, or that the abuse I experienced was in some way my fault, I will speak truth out loud. I will declare I am a beloved daughter of God, I am pure, I am forgiven, I am LOVED, and so many others.

This was not something that helped change my mind overnight, but over time it did help! Speaking it out loud felt weird and awkward, but I believe that made a difference. To hear those things spoken over your life repeatedly really starts to help you start to believe that they are true!

There are some really good songs about this out right now! This one talks about how words build us up or break us down. The one below is a great encouragement to speak life! That's my encouragement to you (and to myself) today, speak life! Let what you speak over your life be positive and true!

Challenge

I saw a quote today that really made me think. I haven't been able to get it out of my mind, and maybe that is because there is so much truth in what it says.

I am ___________: Everything you put in the blank will either build you up or tear you down. Choose wisely!

So often we fill in the blank with words like: fat, tired, ugly, stressed, overwhelmed, a failure, etc... When we do this we start thought processes that drag us down emotionally, physically and spiritually.

Instead we should be filling in that blank with truth such as: loved, chosen, redeemed, beautiful, and overcomer, and so many others! When we dwell on these things it brings us up and helps us to not get discouraged, but to realize who we are and who we are created to be.

My challenge to myself and to you is to try to fill that blank with things that are true, and lovely! Let's start to see ourselves as God sees us!

Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Deal with it ~ Don't wait!

When I got back from Denver with my sweet girl I found that so many things around my house looked really good, but our pool (an above ground one) was nasty! Since school has started and the kids aren't home most of the time it was easy to think about putting the cover on the pool and call it a season. Yes, we would still have to clean it and deal with the nastiness, but if we covered it we could put off dealing with it for a long time.

Ultimately I decided it needed to be cleaned now. As I was cleaning it (it took a couple of hours) I had a lot of time to think. I started to think about how easy it is to do that in our own lives. We cover up, hide, put on the back burner, whatever you want to say...Basically we wait to deal with the yucky stuff in life because it seems so much easier at the time.

I'm here to tell you it isn't easier to ignore the pain or the nastiness in your life. Sure, you can pretend for a while that it isn't there, but at some point you are going to have to deal with it, and the longer you wait the harder it will be (yes, I've been there, I know)! If you wait to deal with a problem, the problem doesn't get better, or smaller, it tends to get bigger and nastier. 

My encouragement to both you and myself is to deal with things. Get it out in the open, get help, seek counseling if necessary! Holding painful secrets is not only excruciatingly hard, it also keeps you from the freedom you could know from the healing that is available to you!

Finishing up in Denver

Well, Wednesday brought her procedure and brought news that we weren't expecting. I had anticipated that the procedure would show she either had one problem and needed a particular surgery or another and therefore a different surgery. Unfortunately, this was not the case. The doctors (2 of them did the procedures) came out with the conclusion that she may need both.

So they want her to start by having a Fundoplication. They believe that even though she is on high doses of medications her reflux is still so chronic and bad that she is aspirating and that is causing her lung infections and the fat (lipids) growing in her lungs. She also has a Laryngeal Cleft. Thankfully hers isn't too bad. It is between the type 1 and type 2 (sitting right at the level of the vocal chords). So there is the potential that she may have to have it fixed if she doesn't stop aspirating after the other surgery.

There was a lot of other stuff that was evaluated and found, but that is the big stuff. We are still waiting on some test results, but those will be sent to our doctors at home. We are going to head home and try to find a good surgeon there because it will be much easier if our whole family can be together.

Thanks for your prayers! We appreciate it so much more than I can express!

Days 6 & 7

Just a quick update on the last couple of days. Day 6 held some personal miracles! We didn't have too much going on medically (other than adding nasal washes which she is NOT a fan of), but God answered one of the deepest cries of my heart in an amazing way! I'm so very blessed!

Today she had several appointments. Her favorite was art therapy! :) Her least favorite was having to to a laryngoscopy, but she did AMAZING!!! I was so proud of her! What they did was hook her up to several machines and have her run on a treadmill for 10 minutes. As soon as that was over they stuck a camera down her nose and into the back of her throat. While the camera was there they had her do several things. This procedure helped to rule out any vocal chord dysfunction! What it did show is that her entire larynx area is completely swollen and inflamed. There are 2 main causes for this ~ post nasal drip (not too big of an issue) and/or severe reflux and aspiration. So, this is one more confirmation that this really is a big issue for her.

Tomorrow will be interesting because they are going to do some tests to try to rule out a couple of things that could be causing the aspiration. The procedures being done should help to give us good direction on what the next step needs to be. We are aware that it will most likely be yet another surgery, the results will just determine which one. We are just praying that we will have very clear answers and direction!

Day 5 ~ And looking ahead.

The last couple of days have been nice! Friday we had to be to the hospital pretty early so that our sweet girl could have another CT scan and some other tests. She did so well that we were done by 10:30! They let us go for the day at that point so yesterday and today we were able to do some fun things together!

Yesterday we were able to go to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science. Because we are staying at the Ronald McDonald house we were able to get in for free! She had fun checking things out! She especially enjoyed the Discovery Health and Kids' sections!

Today we were able to get into the Denver Aquarium for free as well! She had fun looking at and petting the stingrays! She loved looking into the aquariums from underneath!

Tomorrow we are going to go and see a friend that lives about an hour away. We are looking forward to a relaxing day (my little monkey really is looking forward to swimming). Monday and Tuesday we have some tests scheduled. Wednesday she is being put under so that 2 different doctors can do some tests (rigid bronchoscopy, endoscopy, and biopsies). That will give us the direction we need to go next.

We really appreciate everyone's prayers! Here's a picture of our little one enjoying the stingrays!

Days 3 & 4

Days 3 & 4 have been quite busy ones! I think we have seen 7 different doctors (possibly more). The amazing thing is that they are all talking and trying to figure out how to best help our little princess! We have done lots of testing, and have even more to go. It has been interesting to get different perspectives!

Good things ~ They have some new ideas of things to explore. The testing hasn't been too bad so far! My sweet girl is holding up pretty well! I was able to sneak away today and take her to the Denver zoo for free! She loved all the monkeys! :)

There have been some frustrations along the way as well (dealing with insurance companies is ridiculously frustrating sometimes). But I'm confident that God is in control and He has us right where He wants us! Looking forward to getting answers and a better plan to help our princess!

Me with my sweet girl at the zoo today! She was convinced that the lemurs were really monkeys!

Blessed!

Blessed...There just isn't a better word to describe how I feel right now! We have been blessed in so many ways since we made the decision to bring our little one to Denver for medical care. We have had amazing friends and family and our church supporting us in ways that bring tears to our eyes! We had incredible gas mileage on our trip (far better than I expected)! God made a way for us to get a room in the packed out Ronald McDonald house that is only 2 miles from the hospital! Even the lady I talked to this morning said it was a miracle that we got a room!  To top it off when we got to the house tonight we found out that there was a business providing dinner for everyone staying here tonight! There are so many other things I could point to as being huge blessings right now, but suffice it to say that I am confident that God is in this trip and He is blessing!

So far at the hospital we have done a few tests, but we have spent many hours in conversations and in consults with multiple doctors. We meet with another one tomorrow. We have been told that her case is a pretty complicated one by more than one doctor, but I'm encouraged that they are coming up with ideas that I've not heard of yet, and things that are fairly easy to test for. I'm really looking forward to seeing how God provides the answers that we need!

Thanks for your prayers and encouragement!

BUT GOD!!!

Yesterday we got news from the neurosurgeon that no parent wants to hear. Our sweet girl has done some growing and that has made a difference in where her brain surgery was done. To make a long story short, she is going to need another brain surgery. This was shocking and heartbreaking for us all.

Two simple words have brought hope and have helped me to regain perspective...BUT GOD... The doctors and the tests don't say what we want to hear, and life is crazy, BUT GOD ~ loves my baby girl, can work miracles, is Healer, is in total control, is worthy of my trust, and so many others.

I'm so thankful for a new perspective, and for a God who works miracles!

Hope

Exactly one week from today we will be starting treatment with National Jewish Hospital in Denver for our sweet little girl! I have so much hope that we will be finding answers and have a better treatment plan to help our precious little girl!

I had a friend last night tell me that I really need to pray and be willing to ask God for BIG things, and KNOW that He is the kind of God that loves us and desires to heal and provide us with our needs and also the desires of our hearts. So, we are praying for a miracle! We are praying for answers to WHY she has been so sick. We are praying that we can significantly cut the number of medicines she has to take on a regular basis! We are believing that God will use this trip in a big way!

We appreciate your prayers as we go on this trip! Prayers for safety as I drive the long distance with her and prayers for the doctors to know exactly how to best help her! Prayers for provision, and that there would be an opening at the Ronald McDonald house so we have a place to stay would also be appreciated! I will try to post updates regularly while we are there!

Tragedy

When tragedy strikes sometimes it is easy to point fingers or think the worst. I don't believe that this is what I'm called to do. No matter who it is we should extend mercy and grace to those who are suffering. As the Bible says we weep with those who weep.

The horrible tragedy in Indiana is heartbreaking and our thoughts and prayers go out to the Phelps and Weindorf families right now. We are praying that God will be close to and comfort the people of Colonial Hills Baptist Church as they grieve during this time.

Higher and Deeper

We sang a song in church this past Sunday that really struck a chord with me. I have listened to it over and over in the last couple of days. It has so much truth in the words, I feel like it tells my life. I could choose to stay where it is "safe" and not struggle through the trials, but He has called me higher. If I hold on to who I am and am not willing to grow and change I will not be the person that God has called me to be.

I'm so thankful for the trials that I have been through (yes, you did just read that!). As painful as much of my life has been it has made me who I am. It also has given me a glimpse of God and His mercy and grace that I would not have known otherwise. I wouldn't trade the journey, because without the journey I wouldn't know God the way that I do and therefore wouldn't be the same person.

Thank you God for calling me higher and deeper and for using my trials in life to change me into a better person!

Understanding

I have so many people who I care about that are going through so much trauma right now. Our own family has tons of stuff going on. Sometimes I feel like I don't know what to say to my friends, or even to myself for that matter. I would love to say that I understand what each person I love is struggling with, but the truth is that I probably don't. I can show grace and compassion even when I don't fully understand what exactly it is they are walking through.

Far greater than me...GOD knows and His Word says He understands! This verse was brought to my mind today and it was a great comfort to me, and I hope it will comfort you as well! Psalm 147:5 says Great is our Lord, and mighty in power; His understanding is infinite. How wonderful to have the assurance that God understands what we are walking through, AND that He has the power to help us!

Update on our precious little one.

I know it has been quite a while since I have posted because things have been super crazy at our house. I thought I'd take a minute to give a quick update.

Our youngest daughter has been struggling badly. We (and her doctors) are kind of at a loss as to how to best help her. So, it was advised, and we agreed that the best course of action was to take her to National Jewish Lung hospital in Denver. They have been the #1 respiratory hospital in the nation for the last 15 years, so we are quite hopeful about this course of action. We will be headed there in August for at least 2 weeks. She will miss school for that entire time since school starts on July 31st for her.

We are praying for answers, safety for travelling (I will drive about 1000 miles each way with just her), for a room to be available at the Ronald McDonald House in Denver when we get there, and for strength for me and our precious girl! We would appreciate your prayers as well!

Don't Give Up!

Right now it seems as though so many of the people I know are struggling with some really big stuff. So many people seem to be losing hope. I just feel so compelled to share that there really is hope! God promises to give us hope and a future. Even when things are darkest and you don't feel it remember YOU are loved! 

Those of you who have shared your struggles know that I'm praying for you and I'm here for you! 

Josh Groban really says it well in this song! Don't give up because you are loved!

Perspectives...

Yesterday in church we sang a worship song that really spoke to me. Sometimes it is really hard to see God and to worship Him in the midst of pain and trials. The beginning of this song says "Grow our faith Lord, when our eyes can't see, that you don't change Lord, You will ever be." It then goes into worship.

I feel as though God was really telling me that even when I can't seem to see what He is doing I need to praise Him. It is through these times that we can't seem to see Him that He grows our faith. He is so worthy of our worship and our praise. And somehow when I take the time to worship and praise Him it changes my entire focus and view on life. Praising helps me to remember that He is worthy, and I can trust Him that He has my life in His hands!

I can't get the video to post for some reason, so here is the link... You Are Holy

Waiting...

Apparently I'm in really good company in the waiting department... I went to a service last night that was really encouraging. I believe that God is still in the business of working miracles today, and I've often wondered why He has not chosen to do a miracle in my baby girl's body yet...

The preacher last night talked about how sometimes God has us wait for a miracle so that He can get all the glory... He talked about Abraham and how God made him wait for Isaac (the promised child) until both he and Sarah were very old and it seemed impossible for them to ever be able to have a baby. He also mentioned Lazarus... Jesus could have healed him at any point when he was sick, but he chose to wait until the situation seemed impossible because Lazarus had been dead long enough that his body had begun to smell. When these situations seemed completely impossible God stepped in. God worked a miracle. God did the impossible.

So, as we continue to wait and pray for God to heal our baby girl I'm choosing to focus on the fact that I serve a God that does the impossible. A God that deserves all the glory. A God that will intervene and do a miracle at just the right time.

Update

So, we got our test results back from our youngest daughter's latest medical tests. The results were not good. The doctors can't seem to agree on what to do next. They tried adding medication, but that made her sick, so now we wait again. I'm not incredibly fond of the choices that have been presented so far... We are praying for and would appreciate your prayers for wisdom and direction. It's tough to see her suffering and not have the answers that we need to help her. I'm still choosing to trust that God loves my baby girl and has what is best for her.

Sovereign

Last week was so tough for us! Our youngest daughter had to endure yet another yucky test. This one didn't go very smoothly...to make a very long story short she went into hysteria and had to be sedated. Honestly, I don't blame her! I think I would have a hard time having a tube put down my nose all the way to my belly and then having it taped to my face only to find out it wasn't placed properly so they had to remove the tape pull the tube out a little and then re-tape. Poor girl! After we were able to get her calmed down I was able to talk her through the rest and she really did well with the 24 hour time period we had to leave it in. For that I am truly grateful!

Now, we wait... The waiting is the worst part. The results determine if they want her to have yet ANOTHER major surgery. I really struggle with this because at 5 years old she has already been through so much and I just want her to be well! I came across this song from one of my favorite artists and it really challenged me and reminded me that no matter what comes my way I can trust God. Hope you enjoy the song and it is as helpful to you as it has been to me!

Precious Reminder!

     This song really struck a chord with me because so much is affected by how we think about ourselves... When we are in Christ we are new we are new, redeemed, treasured, loved, and so many more things. I think that if you like me have ever berated yourself this song could be encouraging to you as it has been to me. Just a really good reminder!

Even if...

Last night I had an awakening that I wasn't expecting. Our youngest daughter has been through so much medically, and unfortunately it isn't over. That said, I had often told myself that she was too little to understand, and hopefully she would be better before she would ever understand and that she would never even remember all the meds, hospitalizations, and surgeries. That is simply not the case. Last night when we were doing her meds she looked at me and said "Mommy, why did Dr. P. change my meds again? What happens if it doesn't work? What is he going to do next?"

I was completely shocked. It brought tears to my eyes, but also a realization that we need to be more open with her and start talking to her about the medical stuff that is going on. She obviously understands WAY more than we thought she did. It also means that it is a good time to teach her so much.

As I was telling Grandma about this story today a song came on the radio and God really used it to show me how my perspective needs to change again... THIS is what I need to be teaching my daughter...Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart, You are God, You are good, forever Faithful One~!

Lessons from kids

New Beginnings

I think if you know me or have read very much of my blog you know that I believe in Jesus and am so very grateful for all He has done in my life. As a Christian today I along with my family celebrated Easter. I love Easter, and the hope that it brings!

Here's the thing about Easter... Even if you don't believe in Jesus and that he came to die and rose again to save us I think that you could agree that Easter is a time for new beginnings. Typically Easter comes at the beginning of Spring and we can see the new flowers coming out and new life in the plant and animal world.

I love the thought of new beginnings! Sometimes we as humans mess things up in a big way, or we can simply feel like life is out of control. Sometimes the thought of a fresh start, or a new beginning can be overwhelming, but it can also be the thing that gives us just that glimmer of hope we so desperately need!

So, I would encourage you that if you are in the place where you feel like you desperately need a new beginning, start fresh today! Determine that today you are going to start to at least change how you think! It's amazing how you really become what you dwell on. Choose to think on what is true, right, and lovely! Something that simple could prove to be the very thing you need for that new beginning!

Trust

I've been thinking a lot about trust lately. As kids we typically easily trust, that is until that trust has been broken. If your trust has been violated in one way or another it becomes very hard to trust again. The more we are hurt by having our trust betrayed the more we put up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt again. I know...I've been there...I shut people out of my life and out of my darkest pain for years.

As I was sewing my girl's Easter dresses something occurred to me. I don't trust all the rough edges to not become frayed and nasty and ugly looking, and maybe even ultimately make the whole thing come apart after I have washed it a few times, so I cover them, I hide them. I want the inside of the dress to look neat and pretty too...I want there to not be any sort of falling apart. I think we do this in our own lives too. Especially those of us who have been hurt. We hide away any of the "yucky" stuff so that it can't be seen because surely if it is hidden it can't hurt us right? If no one can see it then it can't possibly be there right? We really can't trust anyone to not hurt us again so we dare not reveal our innermost secrets. We may not consciously think those things, but I know I have consciously thought that I have to hide it all because if people knew the "hurt" that was inside they would hate me.

Ultimately it can be very hard to trust, especially for those who have been deeply wounded. But I don't believe that we can truly start to heal unless we find someone who is "safe" to trust. Until we open the deepest, darkest places in our lives and allow the light to shine in we won't truly find healing. There is someone who is worthy of our trust. When everyone else had failed me, God was still there! He promises to never leave us. We can trust and not be afraid, we can pour out our hearts before Him, we can trust that He won't forsake us. As hard as the step of starting to trust again and being willing to open up all the hurt, I can truly say on the other side it is worth it! God is worthy of our trust! The freedom and healing that can come when you allow yourself to trust God and maybe a certain friend or two is amazing, and so worth the risk and the fear that inherently comes with deciding to trust once again.

Renewed/Transferred Hope

I admit I have been quite discouraged lately. My youngest is struggling so badly health wise and spent most of her Spring break in the hospital. It seems like we are constantly getting bad news about her health every time we turn around. Her latest test results have left us dumbfounded and searching for answers.

I met with a friend today who really had some great insight and helped to change my perspective! We talked about several things, my little one and my frustration mostly. Then we started discussing how I believe that God has called me to help victims of abuse know and believe that there is hope for freedom and healing. I truly believe with everything in me that there IS hope for these things! My friend lovingly pointed out that everything about me changed when I started talking about how I believe that there really is hope for healing and freedom for victims. This is because I am fully confident that God can do these things...

So, here comes the challenge in my life. I have to transfer that knowledge and that hope that God is fully able to heal and bring freedom over to the life of my little girl. I need to start believing in faith that that hope and that healing can be for her too. This is tough for me...I will freely admit it! As much as I desire to see her healed it has been such a long road with not much hope in sight that it becomes a real step of faith to believe these things for her. That said, I am making the choice today to believe that there IS hope for her! God can heal her little body and give her the freedom to be able to be a normal child! So, today I choose to dwell on who God is and His faithfulness in the past, and look forward to how He is going to do amazing things in her future!

God is ok with abuse?

A friend recently sent me an article and asked for my thoughts on it. I was initially really angered by it because it really seeks to distort the reality of who the God I serve is. The author takes passages from the Bible that are really there as stories for historical context and tries to use them to show that God (Jesus) condones rape and the mistreatment of women. Let me vehemently say I do NOT believe that this is true, and if I remotely believed this was what Jesus taught, than there is no way I could serve a god like that.

So, let's break some of the arguments that this article presents apart. First of all, when we talk about the Old Testament which is where all of the examples are from we need to understand the context of the times. History tells us that women were not seen the same way then as they are now. Even within the last 100 years women have gained greater influence and a greater sense of equality.

Jesus "broke" the law that all the Jews kept. In Luke 5 for instance you see Jesus and his disciples being reprimanded by the Pharisees for doing what was "unlawful" on the Sabbath. The Old Testament is full of stories and of people "following" the law. The purpose of the law was to show people their need for a Savior. Once Jesus came there really wasn't a need for the law. Realistically even those who attempt to "keep the law" today don't! They "cherry pick" the parts they want to use. For instance many would not deem a woman to be "unclean" during her monthly cycle and that anything she sits on or sleeps in is unclean (see Leviticus 15). The law as seen in Leviticus was never meant for today.

The author of this article claims that Jesus condones the rape and mistreatment of women. If we look at how Jesus treated women while he was here on earth you will see this is not the case. There are multiple woman that Jesus interacted with in a very kind way which would have been frowned upon by the people of that day. Jesus interacted kindly with the woman at the well, he saved the woman caught in adultery from being stoned, he defended the woman who washed his feet with tears to the religious leaders, and so many others. All of these instances show Jesus treated women kindly and with respect.

The author also says that Jesus never says anything about rape specifically. While this may be true, there are definitely principles in the New Testament that would apply. Ephesians 5:3 says that there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality among God's people. I truly believe that you can apply this to the issue of rape and sexual abuse. These kind of actions are specifically forbidden in the Bible. Mark 9:42 says it would be better for a person to die than to offend (or hurt) a little one. This doesn't sound like the kind of god that would condone abuse. The other thing we can specifically point out is when Jesus in Mark 12:28-31 that the 2 most important commandments are that you love the Lord your God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as well. Reality is that if you are truly loving God and people as you should there is no way you are going to hurt other people. True love seeks the best for others, not to hurt others.

People are going to believe what they want to, but I choose to trust and believe and I KNOW that my God is not the monster that some would like to portray him as. The God I serve is one who loves unconditionally, values women and children, and doesn't want to see people be hurt.

Getting Started Again...

I know that it has been quite a while since I have blogged anything. We have had quite the winter in our house and things have been pretty busy. We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this past December! I'm so thankful for the amazing man that God has blessed me with ~ his love and support all along this crazy journey have been amazing! I love him more now than the day we married and I pray that God gives us many more years together! Our precious baby girl just had her 9th surgery, and she broke her arm the same day we found out that she needed to have the surgery. Thankfully the surgery went well, and we were able to get her cast off yesterday! There have also been other life events, but God's grace has been so evident and faithful along the way! I am working on new posts and hope to get back on the blogging track and blogging again regularly!