I've been thinking a lot about trust lately. As kids we typically easily trust, that is until that trust has been broken. If your trust has been violated in one way or another it becomes very hard to trust again. The more we are hurt by having our trust betrayed the more we put up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt again. I know...I've been there...I shut people out of my life and out of my darkest pain for years.
As I was sewing my girl's Easter dresses something occurred to me. I don't trust all the rough edges to not become frayed and nasty and ugly looking, and maybe even ultimately make the whole thing come apart after I have washed it a few times, so I cover them, I hide them. I want the inside of the dress to look neat and pretty too...I want there to not be any sort of falling apart. I think we do this in our own lives too. Especially those of us who have been hurt. We hide away any of the "yucky" stuff so that it can't be seen because surely if it is hidden it can't hurt us right? If no one can see it then it can't possibly be there right? We really can't trust anyone to not hurt us again so we dare not reveal our innermost secrets. We may not consciously think those things, but I know I have consciously thought that I have to hide it all because if people knew the "hurt" that was inside they would hate me.
Ultimately it can be very hard to trust, especially for those who have been deeply wounded. But I don't believe that we can truly start to heal unless we find someone who is "safe" to trust. Until we open the deepest, darkest places in our lives and allow the light to shine in we won't truly find healing. There is someone who is worthy of our trust. When everyone else had failed me, God was still there! He promises to never leave us. We can trust and not be afraid, we can pour out our hearts before Him, we can trust that He won't forsake us. As hard as the step of starting to trust again and being willing to open up all the hurt, I can truly say on the other side it is worth it! God is worthy of our trust! The freedom and healing that can come when you allow yourself to trust God and maybe a certain friend or two is amazing, and so worth the risk and the fear that inherently comes with deciding to trust once again.