Renewed/Transferred Hope

I admit I have been quite discouraged lately. My youngest is struggling so badly health wise and spent most of her Spring break in the hospital. It seems like we are constantly getting bad news about her health every time we turn around. Her latest test results have left us dumbfounded and searching for answers.

I met with a friend today who really had some great insight and helped to change my perspective! We talked about several things, my little one and my frustration mostly. Then we started discussing how I believe that God has called me to help victims of abuse know and believe that there is hope for freedom and healing. I truly believe with everything in me that there IS hope for these things! My friend lovingly pointed out that everything about me changed when I started talking about how I believe that there really is hope for healing and freedom for victims. This is because I am fully confident that God can do these things...

So, here comes the challenge in my life. I have to transfer that knowledge and that hope that God is fully able to heal and bring freedom over to the life of my little girl. I need to start believing in faith that that hope and that healing can be for her too. This is tough for me...I will freely admit it! As much as I desire to see her healed it has been such a long road with not much hope in sight that it becomes a real step of faith to believe these things for her. That said, I am making the choice today to believe that there IS hope for her! God can heal her little body and give her the freedom to be able to be a normal child! So, today I choose to dwell on who God is and His faithfulness in the past, and look forward to how He is going to do amazing things in her future!

God is ok with abuse?

A friend recently sent me an article and asked for my thoughts on it. I was initially really angered by it because it really seeks to distort the reality of who the God I serve is. The author takes passages from the Bible that are really there as stories for historical context and tries to use them to show that God (Jesus) condones rape and the mistreatment of women. Let me vehemently say I do NOT believe that this is true, and if I remotely believed this was what Jesus taught, than there is no way I could serve a god like that.

So, let's break some of the arguments that this article presents apart. First of all, when we talk about the Old Testament which is where all of the examples are from we need to understand the context of the times. History tells us that women were not seen the same way then as they are now. Even within the last 100 years women have gained greater influence and a greater sense of equality.

Jesus "broke" the law that all the Jews kept. In Luke 5 for instance you see Jesus and his disciples being reprimanded by the Pharisees for doing what was "unlawful" on the Sabbath. The Old Testament is full of stories and of people "following" the law. The purpose of the law was to show people their need for a Savior. Once Jesus came there really wasn't a need for the law. Realistically even those who attempt to "keep the law" today don't! They "cherry pick" the parts they want to use. For instance many would not deem a woman to be "unclean" during her monthly cycle and that anything she sits on or sleeps in is unclean (see Leviticus 15). The law as seen in Leviticus was never meant for today.

The author of this article claims that Jesus condones the rape and mistreatment of women. If we look at how Jesus treated women while he was here on earth you will see this is not the case. There are multiple woman that Jesus interacted with in a very kind way which would have been frowned upon by the people of that day. Jesus interacted kindly with the woman at the well, he saved the woman caught in adultery from being stoned, he defended the woman who washed his feet with tears to the religious leaders, and so many others. All of these instances show Jesus treated women kindly and with respect.

The author also says that Jesus never says anything about rape specifically. While this may be true, there are definitely principles in the New Testament that would apply. Ephesians 5:3 says that there must not even be a hint of sexual immorality among God's people. I truly believe that you can apply this to the issue of rape and sexual abuse. These kind of actions are specifically forbidden in the Bible. Mark 9:42 says it would be better for a person to die than to offend (or hurt) a little one. This doesn't sound like the kind of god that would condone abuse. The other thing we can specifically point out is when Jesus in Mark 12:28-31 that the 2 most important commandments are that you love the Lord your God with all your heart and to love your neighbor as well. Reality is that if you are truly loving God and people as you should there is no way you are going to hurt other people. True love seeks the best for others, not to hurt others.

People are going to believe what they want to, but I choose to trust and believe and I KNOW that my God is not the monster that some would like to portray him as. The God I serve is one who loves unconditionally, values women and children, and doesn't want to see people be hurt.

Getting Started Again...

I know that it has been quite a while since I have blogged anything. We have had quite the winter in our house and things have been pretty busy. We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this past December! I'm so thankful for the amazing man that God has blessed me with ~ his love and support all along this crazy journey have been amazing! I love him more now than the day we married and I pray that God gives us many more years together! Our precious baby girl just had her 9th surgery, and she broke her arm the same day we found out that she needed to have the surgery. Thankfully the surgery went well, and we were able to get her cast off yesterday! There have also been other life events, but God's grace has been so evident and faithful along the way! I am working on new posts and hope to get back on the blogging track and blogging again regularly!

My Choice

Recently I have gone back and forth between being overwhelmed at the "stuff" that goes on in our life, and being so thankful as I look around and back and see God's hand so clearly working. There are aspects of our youngest daughter's new treatment that honestly scare me. I get overwhelmed when I think about certain aspects of it (for example it is quite possibly going to be needed for the rest of her life). Today I have decided that I have so much to be thankful for, and that is what I'm going to focus on. So, here is a partial list of the things that I'm thankful for today!

~ A wonderful husband who supports me and loves me no matter what!
~ Amazing children who keep me on my toes and keep me laughing!
~ A faithful God who has promised to never leave me!
~ A beautiful house to live in.
~ Amazing friends who are there for me whenever I need encouragement!
~ Those who have really been like a second family to me (Earles and Keys)! ~ love you guys!
~ Medical Insurance that covers a good portion of our bills (I can't imagine the debt we would have without it, and even though I complain about how much we do have to pay I'm so thankful it isn't the whole bill!)
~ A good church that has really taught me who my God really is and has shown us God's love in so many tangible ways when we needed it the most.
~ The good school that my kids go to and the amazing teachers there!
~ The ability to substitute teach this year so I can be off with my kids but still have a chance to earn money to help with the bills.

There are so many more things that I could list, but it could take forever! :0) I'm choosing to focus on what I'm thankful for rather than what I'm worried about or overwhelmed with today. What are you thankful for?

Wrestling...

I'm so thankful that I serve a God who loves me unconditionally and is big enough to"take it" when I get frustrated and question Him. I must admit I don't understand everything He does, (not even most of it to be honest) and that's ok, but sometimes that leads to frustration.

In the last few weeks I was really in a rough place. Quite honestly I was frustrated with God and wanted Him to act in my time (aka...heal my baby girl NOW!) I was tired of being patient, tired of doctors, bills, sickness, sleepless nights, and watching my baby girl suffer. I think if we are honest we all have these times where we wrestle with God. Jacob did in the Bible, and even Jesus did in this passage. It really is ok to wrestle with God when you don't understand. I think that when we do this is when we come to know Him, love Him, and trust Him more.

We go through "seasons" in our lives. It is important to know that the season you are in won't last forever. The tough times come and we don't see that there is a way out or that they will ever end. Don't believe that! Don't lose hope! God is there with you and He will see you through the tough times.

While our circumstances haven't really changed in the last couple of weeks I feel like I'm in a very different place today spiritually and emotionally than I was in my last post. I still do not understand, but I'm choosing to trust that God will completely and totally heal my baby girl in His time. This song really captures where I am right at this moment.

Frustration and Discouragement

I admit it...I'm frustrated and discouraged. I'm tired and ready for answers. I know God can heal my baby girl, and don't understand why He hasn't chosen to do so yet. I don't understand how one child can have so many rare things going on in their little body. I know there has to be a root cause for all of the stuff my little girl is going through, but we haven't been able to find it so far...I hate seeing her struggle to breathe, and I'm so tired and wish she could sleep through the night. The medical bills continue to pile up, and although it's neat to see how God provides I'm really tired of fighting with the insurance company to cover what she needs, and the stack of to be paid can be discouraging.

In the last few days we have found that on top of all her other medical issues she is aspirating food particles which are turning into fat inside her lungs (this only serves to complicate her breathing issues). She also needs IVIG treatments which our insurance company is notorious for denying. We are hoping she will get them approved and that she can do the Subq (we can do it from home) because if not it means that we have to get a port put in her chest so they can access her veins when we go to the hospital for treatments. She is also getting sick again and that means she is sleeping even worse than normal (she has only been off antibiotics about a week). As a mom it is really hard to see your child suffer. I just want her to be well!

It's been quite a while since I have been this discouraged. I feel like I'm once again asking God what He is doing. I know He has us in the palm of His hand and that everything is going to work out, I just need to be patient (not one of my better qualities). Please join me in praying for my little girl! We need favor with the insurance company so she can get the treatment that she needs! We need answers on how to help her! We need to find the root cause of what is going on! I really desire to see complete healing in her little body and I KNOW that God can do it!

Love

Lately we have had so much stuff going on in our family that I have had to choose to focus on the good and choose to see God's hand leading, guiding, and protecting even when it is hard. Between our youngest daughter's continued health issues (we just found ANOTHER rare condition) and the drama of the possibility of another trial in New Hampshire along with life in general it can be easy to get overwhelmed.

Last night as I was laying in bed I decided to read in Psalms (LOVE having You Version on my phone) and I came across Psalm 136. Over and over again, in fact at the end of each verse, it states "for His steadfast love endures forever". It can be easy to just skip past something, especially when it is repetitive, but I think this phrase is repeated again and again for a reason. The passage talks about all kinds of things, both good and bad, and after each thing it says "for His steadfast love endures forever". To me this is such a good reminder that as I walk through this journey of life no matter what happens God's love will always be there! I hope this encourages you as much as it has me!