Opening Up...

Growing up I was always taught that even if your life wasn't perfect you had to pretend like it was. While this may not have been directly spoken, it was taught via the way that other concepts were taught...(If you are worrying you aren't trusting God; Show the joy of the Lord on your face at all times no matter what is going on you need to smile; If the world sees problems in your life it will keep them from trusting Christ; Stop calling others to talk about your problems you are being a burden; You're exaggerating it isn't really that bad; and so many others) It was these kind of things that really caused me to internalize issues that were going on in my life. I quickly learned that if tears were visible at home I would be given a reason to cry, and if they were visible at church I would be cornered and badgered (even as an adult).

Even today I struggle to share my burdens and feelings with others (except in a general sense) even though I know I have friends I can call when I'm having a rough day. I will sometimes think about calling, and think, "No I don't want to be a burden", or "I know how busy they are and I don't want to bother them", or "I just don't want to be known as that person who is always struggling with something". The truth is I have friends who call me when they are struggling, and those thoughts never cross my mind. If this is true, and I know that I have friends who love me just as much as I love them then in my mind I know it has to be true that they don't mind me calling when I'm struggling either. To be completely honest I had one person in my life that I would call and talk and cry with at the drop of the hat and that was my Grandma. She has now passed away and I miss her so very much! Even thinking about the talks we shared brings tears to my eyes.

The truth is even the Bible tells us to help bear each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2). I think a lot of being willing to open up and share comes back to knowing you are loved unconditionally and are not being judged by how you feel or what is going on in your life. I'm so thankful to have found friends that are loving and non-judgmental! I'm working on being willing to open up and share my heart with them because I know they truly care! I'm also thankful that I have a God that I can run to when my heart is feeling weak, and have the assurance that He is there and that He cares! (Another favorite song that goes with this idea).