I typically think of myself as a pretty joyful and optimistic person, but lately that has been so tough. Our family has walked through some pretty big stuff with our youngest daughter (In the hospital 5 times in the last 6 months and 3 major surgeries during that time). We have walked through lots of tough stuff before, but for some reason I really struggled far greater this time.
My emotions have been raw. I have felt so very down. I told one of my closest friends "I never understood how someone could have so many great family members and friends and still feel so very alone". Never that is until the last few days. I know that emotions aren't a bad thing, and sometimes the amount of exhaustion your body is in plays into these emotions, but I was not prepared to be so depressed. That just isn't me. But the last few days it was...I cried...I wanted to be alone...I wanted to have a magic wand that would make everything all better.
At some point I realized that I had to make a choice. So, my choice was to put on good music, allow myself to cry, allow myself to rest, and to call a friend who I knew would love and encourage me through this. Did these things make it all go away? NO! But I'm not as down as I was before, and I have my focus on better things. This has been really hard because I was always taught that emotions are wrong, and that if you worry or are scared about something that means you aren't trusting in God. As I have grown, and read the Bible for myself, I see these things are simply wrong. Even Jesus wept when Lazarus died (even though He knew what was coming); even Jesus got angry enough to throw over tables; even Jesus called people names (Vipers) when the situation was appropriate. So, if Jesus can experience strong emotions, then so can we.
If you are down and discouraged today maybe some of the things that have helped me will help you too. I put on good music, make a list of all the good things in my life, spend time with those who love me unconditionally (even just on the phone), and do activities that I enjoy. What are things that have helped to encourage you?
Talking to God helps me. I ask him to take the depression, take the fear, and take my whole future. I give him back the control because we both know it never really was mine. Sometimes it helps the first time I do this... Other times I must repeatedly pray until I am healed. Thank you for sharing your heart and know I am here for you as well.
ReplyDeleteYou are such a blessing. I know what you are going through and it is rough but it will get better. So glad you have loving family and was able to just feel. That is a tough one sometimes. HUGS to you!
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