What matters most

There are many times I question my abilities as a mother, and feel like I fall so very short. My kids are overall pretty good kids, but they fight like crazy. They often whine when asked to do something, and aren't afraid to voice their opinion and question me. I think that allowing our children to ask questions is important so we can teach them the why behind what we say. I don't want robots, but at times I feel like a failure because of how disrespectful they come across. (For the record I do think that learning appropriate tone is a process.)

As I was sitting back and contemplating my mothering skills (or lack thereof), I began to think of what the most important things I would have wanted from or remember about my own mother now that I'm an adult. There were 3 things that stuck out to me in my contemplation...

1. Time ~ I wish my mother had spent more time with me. In the end I didn't care so much about gifts and stuff, but I really wish she had spent more quality time with me. 

2. Support and Belief.~ I wish that when I was a child my mother would have believed me and supported me not only in the big things, but also in the day to day stuff of life.

3. Putting your Child's needs and safety above your own comfort. ~ There are so many times that I wish my mother had loved us enough to protect us from the monster that hurt us so badly rather than thinking of her own desires. 

As I sit back and look at the things that I would have valued most and what I felt that I needed as a child it changes my perspective of how I'm doing as a mother. I am not perfect, and have a very long way to go, but I know my children are loved, valued, supported, believed, and I would do anything I could to protect them. We make it a point to take both family time and time with the kids by themselves so they know we want to be with them. I hope these things mean as much to my children as they would have to me. 

Encouragement for Abuse Survivors

Recent news stories have brought back into light the problem of sexual abuse, and how it often happens right within a home. So much has already been written about the Duggars, and I don't want to rehash it. What I would like to do is to is to encourage not only the Duggar girls (if they ever read this) and any others who have gone through the trauma of sexual abuse.

First, if you are a victim please know that the abuse was NEVER your fault! The guilt and the shame belong to the abuser alone! Your scars do not make you damaged, or less of a person.

Second, healing takes time. Please don't be afraid to get counseling! A good licensed therapist can help you work through the vast emotions that come with being abused. Don't lose hope!

Third, forgiveness does not equal reconciliation. Forgiveness is for you as the person who was hurt, not for the offender. Forgiveness does not negate consequences, nor does it mean you ever have to trust the person who hurt you.

Lastly, please know you are not alone! Know that there are people who understand what you are walking through, and they care. If you are struggling please reach out for help!

There is so much more I could say, but I will keep this short. I know there are a myriad of emotions and struggles that come from being hurt by those who you should be able to trust. When you see a glimmer of hope hold on to it and don't let it go!