Anger

I would not consider myself an angry person, in fact it is rare that I get really angry. I do get frustrated or irritated at times, but rarely downright angry. I'm usually able to let things roll off fairly well, even if it takes me a minute or two. Tonight in all honesty I find myself angry. I'm not angry because I was hurt, but angry because a certain extended family member made a choice that has hurt my children deeply, and doesn't seem to care how much she hurt them. My oldest cried herself to sleep tonight, and I don't think she has ever done that. There is a "mama bear" that comes out in me when someone hurts my kids, and it is hard to hold back. There are so many things that I wanted to say, but I bit my tongue so that I wouldn't regret it later.

In my former life I was always told that being angry was a sin. You were to control your emotions at all costs. Simply put this is a LIE! The Bible never says not to get angry, it says be careful that you don't let that anger build into bitterness. Jesus himself got angry and threw down tables and kicked people out of the temple, but He didn't stay there. The very next verse talks about Him healing people. (see  Matthew 21:12-14)  If Jesus got angry surely it isn't a sin...it is what we choose to do with that anger that matters.

I'm not as angry now as I was even an hour ago, and I'm praying that God will allow His peace to reign in my heart. I'm praying that His mercies will be new in the morning (see Lamentations 3:22-23), and that I will be able to comfort my children and help them to also get past their hurt and possible anger.

Why the Title?

Although a few of my friends know why I chose the title that I did for this blog most people do not. I titled the blog "Glimpses of Hope" for several reasons. Throughout the years often all I have had was just a glimpse of hope. Often there wasn't much there, but I chose to hang on to the small glimpse that I did see. I think if you talk to many people they could also tell you that through life it is often hard when you are in your darkest times to hold on to hope. What I have found throughout the years is that when you find that glimpse of hope you often have to hang on to it through the roughest times. So, the title in itself is a reminder to me, and hopefully to others to hang on to even the small glimpses of hope that come your way! Life won't always be tough! Trust God that He can bring you through to the other side!

Musical Mondays ~ Thank you Veterans!

Music plays a huge part in my life, and so on Mondays I would like to share a song with you that has touched me in one way or another.

I think it is fitting to share this one today. God Bless the U.S.A. I'm so thankful to the men and women who serve our country so we can have the freedoms we enjoy! I'm thankful for my husband, brother, grandpa, dad, uncles and the scores of other people who have sacrificed to serve our country! So to all of our Veterans you have my honor and my thanks!

Church

Life is a journey. Things are constantly moving and changing. That can be kids growing up, change of mindset, job, losing someone, major life events, etc. Along the journey it is good to have a group of people that can love and support you through the tough times, and you can do the same in return.

Your church should be a place that can help along this journey called life! Whether that be to challenge you to do better in some way or love you through the tough times. I firmly believe that your church should be a safe place where you can feel free to be real, where you don't have to hide what is going on because of fear that you will be judged.

Our church now is just such a place! We are so thankful to have developed great friends who have loved and supported us along our journey! When we came to this church we were "gun-shy" to say the least, but I know God led us there! Our first Sunday there our Pastor started a series called "Think 4:8" it was all about how to apply Philippians 4:8 to your life. It was so practical and yet life changing for me to really learn how to change my thought processes so that I now seek to dwell on what is good, honorable, true, etc... rather than the bad things in life. Instead of walking out of church feeling defeated every week (or sometimes angry) I leave encouraged, and with practical tools to help change me to be more like Christ. As a bonus my kids now LOVE going to church! Instead of begging to stay home they often ask if they can go to both services.

There are so many churches out there. Not every church is a good fit for everyone, and maybe you will only be in a place for a season of your life. I encourage you to find a place where you are being built up instead of being torn down. It has done wonders for our family, our relationship, and our view of God as a whole.

Hiding...

One day a couple of years ago I heard Natalie Grant's song "The Real Me" and I could only sit and listen to it again and again with tears running down my face. (hear the song here) I felt like she had captured my life totally in that song without even knowing me, except at that point I didn't know how God really saw me. I felt like I had to go through each day "living a charade" and pretending like everything was ok, when it really wasn't. No matter what show I was able to put on for others (read HUGE walls put up so no one could see my pain) God saw what was really in my heart and mind. I always had felt like I was judged by others, and I didn't like being cornered by others (this actually has happened) and badgered if they thought I was upset by something.

I think this is one of the reasons I was so shocked when we first visited our new church. They have a prayer time during the service and if you have something tough going on in your life you can go up to the front and have someone pray for you. I know that in our old church no one would have ever gone forward, but here people flood to the front every week to have someone come along side of them and pray with them. How refreshing to be in a place where it is ok to be real! The reality of life is that life isn't always happy and perfect, sometimes we struggle and it is during those times that we need friends to come along side of us to encourage us and be there for us, not to judge us.

My encouragement for the day is to find a friend that it is ok to be real with! Someone who will come along side of you and show you God's love no matter what you happen to be walking through. Someone who is safe enough for you to be able to break down some of the walls that have been built up inside to prevent you from getting hurt. Trust me, I understand how hard this is! These walls often take years to build up and won't come down overnight, but the process of bringing them down brings healing, and it is so worth it!

Parents

Growing up I always heard that God was like a father to us. During this kind of teaching verses like

Hebrews 12:6-8

 would be used to talk about how God would punish us and "scourge" us like our father did if He really loved us. Because of these kind of teachings and the abuse I endured from my step-father, I began to believe that God was something He really is not. For years I believed that God was just waiting for me to screw up so that He could punish me. I heard countless sermon illustrations about someone who had left the church and was "in the world" or in an "apostate" church that God "took home to be with Him" early in life so that the person could no longer "harm the name or image of Christ". I was afraid of this God and "served" out of fear rather than out of love for who He is and what He had done.
Eventually there came a point where I decided that I needed to know who God really is, because if He is what I grew up knowing I was done, but if God was the kind of God that I was learning about during our journey out of fundamentalism then I wanted to build a relationship with Him. The more I have searched the more I have found what I knew to be false. God promises that the more we seek Him the more we will find Him!

Jeremiah 29:13

 Over the last 2 1/2 years I have been earnestly seeking to find out who God really is and He has opened my eyes in amazing ways! Now when I think about God as a father instead of dwelling on my early experiences I think on the amazing father my husband is to our kids. He loves them, and even when he corrects them he isn't mean, he lovingly corrects them for their good to help them learn what is right! If my husband, who isn't perfect can be such a good and loving father to our children, how much more of a good and loving father is God to us? If we stop and think about God's character it is consistently loving. From the beginning in the Garden of Eden, He not only came to Adam and Eve seeking to draw them to repentance, He lovingly forgave even though there were consequences. God could have chosen to kill them and start over with new humans, instead His plan was to eventually send His Son to die for all of us. The God I have come to know, love and worship is not a vengeful God, but a God of love, mercy, forgiveness, and healing!

Trial

A year ago today trial started. It was a week filled with emotions, both good and bad. I was and still am thankful for the friends (both old and new) that I had supporting me through this very rough week. I'm often asked how I made it through without losing my mind, or how I was able to be so calm. I must confess that was only God working in me! There were a few things that helped though...
     ~ First, I had a couple of wonderful friends who made note cards with verses or different sayings to encourage me and remind me that God was there with me fighting this battle. Most people who were close to me saw me reading these cards again and again...they were a huge source of encouragement. I also had a letter that a friend wrote me filled with Scriptures that was actually given to me when 20/20 aired, but I read that over and over again during the week of trial too. Those things were in my purse, so they were with me all the time, in fact they are still in my purse and occasionally I will take them out and read them and be reminded of how God worked so incredibly that week.
     ~ Another thing I did was fill my head with good music! I had several songs that I listened to over and over that helped calm me down, restore my focus, and give me courage! Music is wonderful! Here are just a few that I listened to over and over that week.
           Bring it on
           I Lift My Hands
           Our God is Greater
           I Will Lift My Eyes
           You're Not Alone
     ~ The other big thing I had was people praying! I strongly believe that God works through the power of prayer and witnessed it multiple times that week! I had one particular friend that I called when I just got too overwhelmed with the craziness around me and she would always pray with me and that calmed my spirit in miraculous ways! I had friends praying with me there in New Hampshire, as well as friends praying from afar, and I will forever be grateful to them!
     ~I also had the wonderful support and shoulders to cry on of all the wonderful people who came out to be with me during the trial. You all know who you are and I can't thank you enough!

When I stop and think about how I made it I can only say it was God's grace! God promises in His word that He will give us the strength to make it through whatever comes our way. I chose to lean on Him and His promises that week and He was so faithful!

Thinking Back...

Friend of a Wounded Heart

I was reminded recently that this song was the one that I had chosen to sing in a voice recital when I was 13 or 14. It is interesting to me for many reasons that I would have chosen this song. First of all it isn't a song that most kids this age would sing, and also I think it goes a long way to show that even then I was hurting and searching for the love of God.
As I think back over my life it isn't until the last 2 years or so that I really began to believe that God loved ME. This love wan't conditional like I had been taught. It really isn't an if I do ____ then God will love me. God chooses to love NOT because of who I am or how I'm performing, but because of who HE is. There is nothing I can do that can manipulate or change God's love for me. He doesn't love me more if I read my Bible for an hour each day, or serve in every way possible. He loves me simply because I exist.
Every human has a longing and a need to be loved. God freely offers the love you so desperately need. Rest in His unchanging love! Know that you matter in this life because you are loved unconditionally by the God who created you!

Beginning

The journey that has been my life has not been an easy one, but I'm thankful for each hardship that has been put in my way. This blog is my way to reach out and share with others what God is doing in our lives. I want you to know that if you have been hurt there is hope for healing. Sometimes you may only see glimpses along the way, but hang on! There is hope for a bright future no matter what you have walked through!